Harry

The production of a farm (a joke from Turkey) You own two cows, sell one and buy an ox. Your herd gets bigger, the farm expands. However, if you live in INDIA: They own a cow and an ox, but only worship them. They starve but reach nirvana. If you live in CHINA: They also own a cow and an ox. They sell the calves and get rich. If you live in PAKISTAN: You own no cattle and claim that all cows in India are your property. You put everything you have into nuclear research. If you live in the USA: They own two cows and milk them in three shifts for 24 hours. If the cows die from it, you blame a rogue state and invade it. If you live in ITALY: You own two cows, but have no idea where the critters are. If you live in JAPAN: You own two cows, which are as small as rabbits but produce twice as much milk. If you live in TURKEY: They own two oxen, You make one Prime Minister, the other President.

God created the donkey and said to him: "You you're an ass. You will work constantly from morning to evening and carry heavy things on your back. You will eat grass and have little intelligence. And you will live fifty years." Then the donkey replied: "Living like this for fifty years is far too long, please don't give me more than thirty years!" And it was like that. Then God created the dog and said to him: "You are a dog. You will guard the goods of humanity, whose most devoted friend you will be. You will eat what man leaves and live for 25 years." The dog replied, "God, living like this for 25 years is too much. Please no more than ten years!" And it was like that. Then God created the monkey and said, "You are a monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny and you shall live like this for twenty years." The monkey said, "God, living as the world's clown for twenty years is too much. Please don't give me more than ten years." And it was like that. Finally, God created the man and said to him: "You are a man, the only rational creature that will inhabit the earth. You will use your intelligence to subjugate the other creatures. You will rule the earth and for twenty live for years!" Then the man said, "God, being a man for just twenty years is not enough. Please give me the twenty years that the donkey refused, the fifteen of the dog and the ten of the monkey." And so God caused the man to live as a man for twenty years, then get married and work as a donkey from morning to night for thirty years, carrying heavy loads. Then he will have children and live like a dog for fifteen years, guarding the house and eating what the family leaves. Then, in old age, he lives as a monkey for ten years, acting like an idiot and amusing his grandchildren. And that's how it is to this day...

Three priests at the gates of heaven. Says Peter: "Just because you're a priest, I can't just let you in. Tell me your sins first." The first priest: "Well, I watched my housekeeper get dressed through the keyhole." Peter: "O.k., come in!" The second: "I grabbed my cleaning lady's breasts and bottom." Peter: "Well, come in." The third: "I looked under the skirt of an employee at ALDI who was standing on the ladder, and because she wasn't wearing any panties, I caressed her there once." Peter: "Sorry, in that case we can't let you in here." The third resigned: "I thought so, they won't let me in at ALDI anymore either."

A 70-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting arrested. When she was brought before the judge, he asked, "What did you steal?" "A can of peaches," was the answer. When asked why she stole the can, she said she was hungry. Then the judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She said, "Six." The judge then said to her: "Then I will give you six days in prison." Her husband then spoke up and said: "She also stole a big can of peas."

Man at the doctor. "Doctor, I'm in pain in the abdomen, which extends between the legs up to under the legs Shrug your shoulders." The doctor says: "Well, then the thing has to come off!" “He’s crazy,” the man thinks and goes to another doctor. However, he makes the same diagnosis. The man doesn't want to believe it and wants to get a third opinion. If this doctor also thinks so If the thing has to come off, then there will probably be something to it, he thinks. He tells the third doctor about the pain. Between the legs up to the armpits. This doctor also provides the diagnosis: “This thing has to go!” The man resigns himself to his fate and has the thing cut off. When he gets back home, he thinks: "I guess I need new underwear now that there's nothing left down there." He goes to the department store and goes to the men's underwear department. A salesman shows him the underpants and asks: "Are they worn on the right or left?" Puzzled, the man asks why the seller wants to know that. "So," says the salesman, "if you're a left-handed person and you're wearing right-handed underpants, it causes pain in your abdomen that extends between your legs and up to your armpits!"

A man runs along the river. He stops at a fisherman and asks: "Did my wife come by here? She's blonde and wearing a red dress." "Yes," says the angler, "a few minutes ago." "Thank God, then she can't be ready yet!" "I don't think so either! With the current being so weak!"

Fritzchen and Peterchen play at Peterchen's at home William Tell. Fritzchen is standing against the wall with an apple on his head, Peter takes aim - but he misses and hits Fritzchen's right eye. Peter aims again - but he misses again and hits Fritzchen's left eye. Then Fritzchen says: “I have to go home now!” Peterchen: "You spoilsport! Just because I missed?" Fritzchen: "No - my mom said I should come home when it gets dark."

Two Vopos walk along the Spree in midsummer along and watch a windsurfer. Suddenly the surfer is no longer there and only the board is floating on the water. The police think they have to save the man and actually recover a lifeless body. One immediately begins resuscitation and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But he immediately stops again and says: "Oh man, he has terrible bad breath!", to which the other says: "Forget it, he still has his ice skates on!"

A man, completely drunk, half asleep at the bar counter - his food in front of him. Someone else comes into the bar and is very hungry but has no money. He thinks to himself: I'll grab the drunk guy's food, he won't notice anyway. If the drunk wakes up after a while, takes a look at the empty plate and says: "Hmm, I've been there before."

An older couple is at the cinema. The film begins and suddenly the woman slides around on the floor. The man says: “Tell me, what are you doing?” The woman says: “I’m looking for my chewing gum!” “It fell out.” The man answers: “Then take a new one!” The woman says: “ It does not work! The teeth are hanging on!”

Fritzchen comes from Sunday school. When his mother asks him what he has learned, he says: “God is a whirlwind!” Mother says that can’t be true, but Fritzchen insists and they agree that Fritzchen will ask again next Sunday. A week later, when Fritzchen comes home again, his mother asks: “Well, what about the whisk?” Fritzchen: “Yes, yes, you’re right, God is a creator – but I knew that there was something is from the kitchen!”

I called my urologist - the line just stuttered. I called my gynecologist - he just looked down the tube. I called my dermatologist - it didn't even bother him because the line was immediately lubricated. I called my psychiatrist - the connection was broken. I called my internist - it came over the line. I called my rheumatologist and there was a crack on the line. I called my anesthetist - but then didn't hear from him again. I called my ENT doctor - but he didn't listen to me. I called my radiologist - but he saw through me straight away. I called my eye doctor – but he saw it coming. I called my pediatrician - he listened at first and finally gave in. I called my geriatrician - I had to tell him everything three times. I called my oncologist - but he didn't give me much time. I called my surgeon - the conversation was cut off several times. I called my orthopedist - he took off like a shot from the hip and finally went down on his knees. I called my vascular surgeon - the line was closed and then everything just stopped.