Harry

In the Lenin year the directors of the three Moscow watch factories ordered to the Kremlin. The first reports: "We are now building a cuckoo clock, every hour the cuckoo comes out and shouts: 'Lenin, Lenin, Lenin'." Says the second: "That's nothing at all. The cuckoo comes out of our clock and shouts: 'Long live Lenin! Long live Lenin'!" "Well," says the third, "we took a slightly different approach. Lenin comes out here and shouts: 'Cuckoo, cuckoo'!"

A man comes into a restaurant and says: to the innkeeper: "I'll bet you 100 euros that I can show you and your guests the craziest thing you've ever seen." "Good," says the innkeeper, "the bet stands." The man then takes a 20 cm long male out of his coat pocket. The little man walks along the counter and says: "Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Johannes Mario Simmel. You probably know me, I'm a very well-known novelist." The guests are completely amazed and applaud loudly when the performance is over. The innkeeper says: "Here you have the 100 euros. You deserve it. I've never seen anything so crazy. But tell me where you got the dwarf from." Says the man: "There is an ancient oak tree back in the forest. There is a lamp between the gnarled roots. If you rub it, the genie appears and grants you exactly one wish. So you should choose it carefully and say it clearly." The innkeeper immediately rushes off into the forest. He finds the ancient oak tree and the lamp between the roots. He rubs it and the genie appears and says, "You have one wish." The innkeeper immediately says: "I want 10 million in small bills!" "Your wish be granted," says the spirit and - SNIP! - 10 grilled piglets lie on the ground, each with a lemon in its mouth. The innkeeper storms back into his restaurant and confronts the stranger who is still sitting there: "Your mind has a massive hearing defect. I ask him for 10 million in small bills, and he gives me 10 lemons in small pigs!" "So what?" says the man calmly, "do you really think I would have wanted a 20 cm tall Simmel?"

Devil: “Why are you so desperate?” Man: "Stupid question, I'm in hell." Devil: "Hell isn't so bad - we have a lot of fun here. Are you a drunk?" Man: "Sure, I love drinking." Devil: "Well, you're going to love Mondays. We drink schnapps, beer, whiskey, tequila, everything all Monday. We drink until we drop." Man: “That sounds great!” Devil: "Are you a smoker?" Man: “Of course.” Devil: "You'll love Tuesdays. We smoke the best cigarettes from all over the world all day long. If you get cancer, who cares, you're already dead." Man: “That’s just great.” Devil: "I bet you're a player." Man: "Of course I am." Devil: "On Wednesday you can play anything your heart desires: poker, roulette, blackjack... anything you want. If you're broke, who cares, you're dead." Devil: “What about drugs?” Man: "Are you kidding? I love drugs." Devil: "Thursday is drug day. You can take all the drugs! You're dead, who cares?" Man: "I never thought hell would be such a cool place." Devil: “Are you gay?” Man: "No." Devil: "Oh, you'll hate Fridays."

The passenger in the dining car, an East Frisian drank three bottles of wine and now he can't find his compartment anymore. He asks the train conductor for help. He scratches behind his ear: "Bad, bad! Don't you remember anything that would allow you to recognize your compartment?" The East Frisian thinks about it and then says happily: "Yes, now I remember: cows were grazing outside the window!"

A woman goes to the pet store and wants buy a special parrot. Pet shop owner: "Take this one, the one with the two strings on the legs." Woman: "What happens if you pull on it?" Pet shop owner: “Try it out.” The woman pulls on a string, the parrot lifts its leg and says: "Hello. Hello." The woman is excited and pulls the other string, and the parrot lifts its leg again and says, "Good evening. Good evening." The woman is fascinated and thinks out loud: "What will happen if I pull on both at the same time?" Then the parrot said: "Then it'll hit me in the face, you stupid cow!"

The officer comes to the doctor and has himself examined. He says: "Lately I feel like I've been worn out for a while!" - "Are you working too much?" - "Oh, that It's actually okay, Doctor, a year ago we had to work overtime still work about 42 hours and today there are only 37.5 hours left." - “Look,” the doctor diagnoses, “you’re probably missing something those 4.5 hours of sleep!"

A police car is routinely parked in the evening in front of a pub. Suddenly the door to the pub opens and an obvious A completely drunk guest staggers into the parking lot. The Police officers grin and watch as the man moves from car to car staggers and tries to unlock the car every time. After five He finally found his car and opened the driver's door and first lies flat on the driver and passenger seats. In the In the meantime, some guests leave the bar and get into their cars and drive away. The drunk gets up and switches it off Windshield wiper on - although it's a nice dry one It's a summer evening - then he activates the turn signal and switches it on Windshield wipers on quickly, turn on the lights and the radio, Turn the indicator off again and press the horn. Finally he starts the engine and turns on the windshield wipers again out of. He moves very slowly forward half a meter, then back half a meter again and then stands again for a few minutes as other guests enter the restaurant leave and drive away. Finally he slowly drives onto the Street. The police officer who watches the spectacle patiently and Amusedly watched, drives after the man, switches it off The blue light turns on and stops the drunk immediately have to take an alcohol test. To the big surprise The policeman's test is negative, whereupon he arrests the man asks you to come with me to the police station because there is something wrong with him Breathalyzer could not be correct. “I doubt that,” he says apparently drunk, "because today it was my turn to play decoy, so everyone else could drive away drunk."

An Indian in full war paint walks into a bar, on his shoulder a beautiful, large, colorful parrot. He orders firewater. The bartender stares for a long time at the Indian with the beautiful, large, colorful parrot and gives him the fire water. Then he asks: “It’s beautiful, where did you get it from?” The parrot answers: "From the prairie, there are thousands of them."

The football club's victory celebration breaks out the masseur with the news: "Our center forward has just become the father of twins." The team captain proudly exclaims: "God damn! He managed a nice one-two." At that moment the coach comes into the dressing room: "Wait! Let's not forget the excellent preparatory work from our libero!"

The teacher asks the class who knows a poem. Friedhelm speaks up and is supposed to present it. "An angler stands on the North Sea beach, the fishing rod in hand. A bass hangs on the fishing hook, the water is up to his knees!" "But Friedhelm, that doesn't rhyme at all!" "No, teacher, not now. But just wait until the tide comes in!"

Une femme turque attend des jumeaux. Comme Le moment venu et qu’elle commence le travail, elle appelle l’hôpital. Le centre de contrôle lui explique qu'il n'y a pas d'ambulance disponible pour le moment, mais que la police sera envoyée pour la récupérer. Dit et fait. Quelques heures plus tard, peu avant l'accouchement, le policier crie : "C'est bon, pousse, pousse..." Soudain, on voit sortir une petite tête qui se recule aussitôt et dit à son frère : "Hé, Murat, merde ! Il faut sortir par derrière, les flics attendent déjà là-haut !"

An off-road vehicle drives through the desert stall due to engine failure. If a white horse comes running, look under the hood and repair the damage. The driver looks at the horse in disbelief. After the car was running again, the man immediately drove to the nearest oasis, rushed into the nearest bar and told the innkeeper the incident. The innkeeper: "You're lucky, there's a black horse running around, but he doesn't know anything about cars."