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  1. Yesterday
  2. A man runs along the river. He stops at a fisherman and asks: "Did my wife come by here? She's blonde and wearing a red dress." "Yes," says the angler, "a few minutes ago." "Thank God, then she can't be ready yet!" "I don't think so either! With the current being so weak!"
  3. Last week
  4. Fritzchen and Peterchen play at Peterchen's at home William Tell. Fritzchen is standing against the wall with an apple on his head, Peter takes aim - but he misses and hits Fritzchen's right eye. Peter aims again - but he misses again and hits Fritzchen's left eye. Then Fritzchen says: “I have to go home now!” Peterchen: "You spoilsport! Just because I missed?" Fritzchen: "No - my mom said I should come home when it gets dark."
  5. Two Vopos walk along the Spree in midsummer along and watch a windsurfer. Suddenly the surfer is no longer there and only the board is floating on the water. The police think they have to save the man and actually recover a lifeless body. One immediately begins resuscitation and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But he immediately stops again and says: "Oh man, he has terrible bad breath!", to which the other says: "Forget it, he still has his ice skates on!"
  6. A man, completely drunk, half asleep at the bar counter - his food in front of him. Someone else comes into the bar and is very hungry but has no money. He thinks to himself: I'll grab the drunk guy's food, he won't notice anyway. If the drunk wakes up after a while, takes a look at the empty plate and says: "Hmm, I've been there before."
  7. Earlier
  8. An older couple is at the cinema. The film begins and suddenly the woman slides around on the floor. The man says: “Tell me, what are you doing?” The woman says: “I’m looking for my chewing gum!” “It fell out.” The man answers: “Then take a new one!” The woman says: “ It does not work! The teeth are hanging on!”
  9. Fritzchen comes from Sunday school. When his mother asks him what he has learned, he says: “God is a whirlwind!” Mother says that can’t be true, but Fritzchen insists and they agree that Fritzchen will ask again next Sunday. A week later, when Fritzchen comes home again, his mother asks: “Well, what about the whisk?” Fritzchen: “Yes, yes, you’re right, God is a creator – but I knew that there was something is from the kitchen!”
  10. I called my urologist - the line just stuttered. I called my gynecologist - he just looked down the tube. I called my dermatologist - it didn't even bother him because the line was immediately lubricated. I called my psychiatrist - the connection was broken. I called my internist - it came over the line. I called my rheumatologist and there was a crack on the line. I called my anesthetist - but then didn't hear from him again. I called my ENT doctor - but he didn't listen to me. I called my radiologist - but he saw through me straight away. I called my eye doctor – but he saw it coming. I called my pediatrician - he listened at first and finally gave in. I called my geriatrician - I had to tell him everything three times. I called my oncologist - but he didn't give me much time. I called my surgeon - the conversation was cut off several times. I called my orthopedist - he took off like a shot from the hip and finally went down on his knees. I called my vascular surgeon - the line was closed and then everything just stopped.
  11. The Meiers take a drive into the blue by car. When night falls and they get tired, they spontaneously stop and go to the nearest hotel. “What is the name of this place?” asks Meier’s wife. He shrugs his shoulders and goes to the toilet first. When he comes back he says: “You, I now know where we ended up! In India!” “What makes you think that?” “I saw a sign outside that says: Toilet across the aisle.”
  12. Man to a blonde: “Hey, do you know why you blondes have a hollow in your chin and a flat forehead?” The blonde puts her finger on her chin and thinks: “Phew, I have no idea! Don’t know!” Suddenly she slaps her forehead with the palm of her hand: “Ah, now I know!”
  13. Stonz my husband said the same thing
  14. Anno 1870. Dragoons are quartered in a village. A sergeant is housed in a farm. Clattering spurs and rattling sabers, he moves like a rooster on the dung. The farmer looks at this for a while without saying a word. Lunch. The sergeant takes his saber out of its scabbard, places it on the table in front of him and sits down. But then things get too stupid for the farmer. He goes out, gets a pitchfork and puts it on the table in front of him. The sergeant is taken aback: “What does that mean?” – “Nothing,” says the farmer, “or at most that we farmers also know what is appropriate. A big knife goes with a big fork.”
  15. I sure wish I had that head of hair!
  16. Great photo Blue, thanks for sharing
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