Harry

Three priests at the gates of heaven. Says Peter: "Just because you're a priest, I can't just let you in. Tell me your sins first." The first priest: "Well, I watched my housekeeper get dressed through the keyhole." Peter: "O.k., come in!" The second: "I grabbed my cleaning lady's breasts and bottom." Peter: "Well, come in." The third: "I looked under the skirt of an employee at ALDI who was standing on the ladder, and because she wasn't wearing any panties, I caressed her there once." Peter: "Sorry, in that case we can't let you in here." The third resigned: "I thought so, they won't let me in at ALDI anymore either."

A 70-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting arrested. When she was brought before the judge, he asked, "What did you steal?" "A can of peaches," was the answer. When asked why she stole the can, she said she was hungry. Then the judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She said, "Six." The judge then said to her: "Then I will give you six days in prison." Her husband then spoke up and said: "She also stole a big can of peas."

Man at the doctor. "Doctor, I'm in pain in the abdomen, which extends between the legs up to under the legs Shrug your shoulders." The doctor says: "Well, then the thing has to come off!" “He’s crazy,” the man thinks and goes to another doctor. However, he makes the same diagnosis. The man doesn't want to believe it and wants to get a third opinion. If this doctor also thinks so If the thing has to come off, then there will probably be something to it, he thinks. He tells the third doctor about the pain. Between the legs up to the armpits. This doctor also provides the diagnosis: “This thing has to go!” The man resigns himself to his fate and has the thing cut off. When he gets back home, he thinks: "I guess I need new underwear now that there's nothing left down there." He goes to the department store and goes to the men's underwear department. A salesman shows him the underpants and asks: "Are they worn on the right or left?" Puzzled, the man asks why the seller wants to know that. "So," says the salesman, "if you're a left-handed person and you're wearing right-handed underpants, it causes pain in your abdomen that extends between your legs and up to your armpits!"

A man runs along the river. He stops at a fisherman and asks: "Did my wife come by here? She's blonde and wearing a red dress." "Yes," says the angler, "a few minutes ago." "Thank God, then she can't be ready yet!" "I don't think so either! With the current being so weak!"

Fritzchen and Peterchen play at Peterchen's at home William Tell. Fritzchen is standing against the wall with an apple on his head, Peter takes aim - but he misses and hits Fritzchen's right eye. Peter aims again - but he misses again and hits Fritzchen's left eye. Then Fritzchen says: “I have to go home now!” Peterchen: "You spoilsport! Just because I missed?" Fritzchen: "No - my mom said I should come home when it gets dark."

Two Vopos walk along the Spree in midsummer along and watch a windsurfer. Suddenly the surfer is no longer there and only the board is floating on the water. The police think they have to save the man and actually recover a lifeless body. One immediately begins resuscitation and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But he immediately stops again and says: "Oh man, he has terrible bad breath!", to which the other says: "Forget it, he still has his ice skates on!"

A man, completely drunk, half asleep at the bar counter - his food in front of him. Someone else comes into the bar and is very hungry but has no money. He thinks to himself: I'll grab the drunk guy's food, he won't notice anyway. If the drunk wakes up after a while, takes a look at the empty plate and says: "Hmm, I've been there before."

An older couple is at the cinema. The film begins and suddenly the woman slides around on the floor. The man says: “Tell me, what are you doing?” The woman says: “I’m looking for my chewing gum!” “It fell out.” The man answers: “Then take a new one!” The woman says: “ It does not work! The teeth are hanging on!”

Fritzchen comes from Sunday school. When his mother asks him what he has learned, he says: “God is a whirlwind!” Mother says that can’t be true, but Fritzchen insists and they agree that Fritzchen will ask again next Sunday. A week later, when Fritzchen comes home again, his mother asks: “Well, what about the whisk?” Fritzchen: “Yes, yes, you’re right, God is a creator – but I knew that there was something is from the kitchen!”

I called my urologist - the line just stuttered. I called my gynecologist - he just looked down the tube. I called my dermatologist - it didn't even bother him because the line was immediately lubricated. I called my psychiatrist - the connection was broken. I called my internist - it came over the line. I called my rheumatologist and there was a crack on the line. I called my anesthetist - but then didn't hear from him again. I called my ENT doctor - but he didn't listen to me. I called my radiologist - but he saw through me straight away. I called my eye doctor – but he saw it coming. I called my pediatrician - he listened at first and finally gave in. I called my geriatrician - I had to tell him everything three times. I called my oncologist - but he didn't give me much time. I called my surgeon - the conversation was cut off several times. I called my orthopedist - he took off like a shot from the hip and finally went down on his knees. I called my vascular surgeon - the line was closed and then everything just stopped.

The Meiers take a drive into the blue by car. When night falls and they get tired, they spontaneously stop and go to the nearest hotel. “What is the name of this place?” asks Meier’s wife. He shrugs his shoulders and goes to the toilet first. When he comes back he says: “You, I now know where we ended up! In India!” “What makes you think that?” “I saw a sign outside that says: Toilet across the aisle.”

Man to a blonde: “Hey, do you know why you blondes have a hollow in your chin and a flat forehead?” The blonde puts her finger on her chin and thinks: “Phew, I have no idea! Don’t know!” Suddenly she slaps her forehead with the palm of her hand: “Ah, now I know!”