Harry

The officer comes to the doctor and has himself examined. He says: "Lately I feel like I've been worn out for a while!" - "Are you working too much?" - "Oh, that It's actually okay, Doctor, a year ago we had to work overtime still work about 42 hours and today there are only 37.5 hours left." - “Look,” the doctor diagnoses, “you’re probably missing something those 4.5 hours of sleep!"

A police car is routinely parked in the evening in front of a pub. Suddenly the door to the pub opens and an obvious A completely drunk guest staggers into the parking lot. The Police officers grin and watch as the man moves from car to car staggers and tries to unlock the car every time. After five He finally found his car and opened the driver's door and first lies flat on the driver and passenger seats. In the In the meantime, some guests leave the bar and get into their cars and drive away. The drunk gets up and switches it off Windshield wiper on - although it's a nice dry one It's a summer evening - then he activates the turn signal and switches it on Windshield wipers on quickly, turn on the lights and the radio, Turn the indicator off again and press the horn. Finally he starts the engine and turns on the windshield wipers again out of. He moves very slowly forward half a meter, then back half a meter again and then stands again for a few minutes as other guests enter the restaurant leave and drive away. Finally he slowly drives onto the Street. The police officer who watches the spectacle patiently and Amusedly watched, drives after the man, switches it off The blue light turns on and stops the drunk immediately have to take an alcohol test. To the big surprise The policeman's test is negative, whereupon he arrests the man asks you to come with me to the police station because there is something wrong with him Breathalyzer could not be correct. “I doubt that,” he says apparently drunk, "because today it was my turn to play decoy, so everyone else could drive away drunk."

An Indian in full war paint walks into a bar, on his shoulder a beautiful, large, colorful parrot. He orders firewater. The bartender stares for a long time at the Indian with the beautiful, large, colorful parrot and gives him the fire water. Then he asks: “It’s beautiful, where did you get it from?” The parrot answers: "From the prairie, there are thousands of them."

The football club's victory celebration breaks out the masseur with the news: "Our center forward has just become the father of twins." The team captain proudly exclaims: "God damn! He managed a nice one-two." At that moment the coach comes into the dressing room: "Wait! Let's not forget the excellent preparatory work from our libero!"

The teacher asks the class who knows a poem. Friedhelm speaks up and is supposed to present it. "An angler stands on the North Sea beach, the fishing rod in hand. A bass hangs on the fishing hook, the water is up to his knees!" "But Friedhelm, that doesn't rhyme at all!" "No, teacher, not now. But just wait until the tide comes in!"

Une femme turque attend des jumeaux. Comme Le moment venu et qu’elle commence le travail, elle appelle l’hôpital. Le centre de contrôle lui explique qu'il n'y a pas d'ambulance disponible pour le moment, mais que la police sera envoyée pour la récupérer. Dit et fait. Quelques heures plus tard, peu avant l'accouchement, le policier crie : "C'est bon, pousse, pousse..." Soudain, on voit sortir une petite tête qui se recule aussitôt et dit à son frère : "Hé, Murat, merde ! Il faut sortir par derrière, les flics attendent déjà là-haut !"

An off-road vehicle drives through the desert stall due to engine failure. If a white horse comes running, look under the hood and repair the damage. The driver looks at the horse in disbelief. After the car was running again, the man immediately drove to the nearest oasis, rushed into the nearest bar and told the innkeeper the incident. The innkeeper: "You're lucky, there's a black horse running around, but he doesn't know anything about cars."

A physicist, a mathematician and an astronomer stand in front of a flagpole and discuss how best to determine its height. The physicist is in favor of measuring gravity at both ends and drawing a conclusion from the measurement difference. The astronomer wants to determine the angle to Sirius and the Andromeda Nebula, this allows the most precise one in relation to the world axis, etc. - The mathematician rambles something about triangulation and angle functions... An English professor comes along and says, why don't you just put the bar down and measure it? As soon as he left, the physicist said to the other discussants, "you see it again, these laypeople have no idea, we are discussing height and he suggests a method for determining the length!"

At school the teacher asks what a be a catastrophe. Fritz answers: “If my hamster died.” - "No," says the teacher, "that would be a misfortune, but not a catastrophe. It would be a catastrophe if, for example, our entire government were to die in a plane crash." Says Fritz: "But then again that wouldn't be a bad thing!"

The East Frisian buys a chainsaw. The seller says: "With the model you can fell at least 30 trees a day." The East Frisian goes into the forest. On the first day he creates three trees, on the second five, and on the third even seven. Nevertheless, he is not satisfied and goes back to the store. The salesman looks at the chainsaw and says: "There's fuel in it, spark plugs are okay, I don't understand why you're having problems with it. Let's try it out." The salesman starts the saw. The East Frisian: "Hey, what's that sudden noise?"

The production of a farm (a joke from Turkey) You own two cows, sell one and buy an ox. Your herd gets bigger, the farm expands. However, if you live in INDIA: They own a cow and an ox, but only worship them. They starve but reach nirvana. If you live in CHINA: They also own a cow and an ox. They sell the calves and get rich. If you live in PAKISTAN: You own no cattle and claim that all cows in India are your property. You put everything you have into nuclear research. If you live in the USA: They own two cows and milk them in three shifts for 24 hours. If the cows die from it, you blame a rogue state and invade it. If you live in ITALY: You own two cows, but have no idea where the critters are. If you live in JAPAN: You own two cows, which are as small as rabbits but produce twice as much milk. If you live in TURKEY: They own two oxen, You make one Prime Minister, the other President.

God created the donkey and said to him: "You you're an ass. You will work constantly from morning to evening and carry heavy things on your back. You will eat grass and have little intelligence. And you will live fifty years." Then the donkey replied: "Living like this for fifty years is far too long, please don't give me more than thirty years!" And it was like that. Then God created the dog and said to him: "You are a dog. You will guard the goods of humanity, whose most devoted friend you will be. You will eat what man leaves and live for 25 years." The dog replied, "God, living like this for 25 years is too much. Please no more than ten years!" And it was like that. Then God created the monkey and said, "You are a monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny and you shall live like this for twenty years." The monkey said, "God, living as the world's clown for twenty years is too much. Please don't give me more than ten years." And it was like that. Finally, God created the man and said to him: "You are a man, the only rational creature that will inhabit the earth. You will use your intelligence to subjugate the other creatures. You will rule the earth and for twenty live for years!" Then the man said, "God, being a man for just twenty years is not enough. Please give me the twenty years that the donkey refused, the fifteen of the dog and the ten of the monkey." And so God caused the man to live as a man for twenty years, then get married and work as a donkey from morning to night for thirty years, carrying heavy loads. Then he will have children and live like a dog for fifteen years, guarding the house and eating what the family leaves. Then, in old age, he lives as a monkey for ten years, acting like an idiot and amusing his grandchildren. And that's how it is to this day...