The twin brothers Martin and Egon leave stroll. Suddenly Egon has to go to the toilet. He quickly runs to the nearest house and rings the bell. An old woman opens it. Egon: "I really need to go to the toilet!" The old woman shows him the toilet and Egon does his business. He later tells his twin brother about his experience: "Imagine, they have a toilet made of pure gold!" Martin becomes curious and on the way back he too rings the doorbell and asks if he could quickly use the toilet. The old woman then said to her husband: "Hermann, the guy who shit in your tuba is here again!"

Two people at a job interview the police. The first one goes in. The boss says: “So, say the alphabet.” He does it, it works wonderfully and the boss asks: “Do you notice anything about me?” - "Yes. They have no ears!" The cop roars: "That can't be true, you cheeky man! This is a war injury! Get out!" The guy goes out and says to the other guy: "He'll ask you later if you notice anything about him. Don't under any circumstances say that he doesn't have ears!" The other person remembers it and goes in. The boss asks again about the alphabet, he can recite it excellently, and the boss asks again if he notices anything about him. Says the newcomer: "You're wearing contact lenses." - "How did you notice that?" - "Well, if you had ears, you would wear glasses."

Grandpa goes outdoors with his grandson for a walk and says: "Now just look at this beautiful nature, the green trees and the lush meadows." He breaks off a blade of grass and chews on it. The grandson asks: “Grandpa, are we getting a new car now?” - “How did you come up with that now?” - "Well, because Dad said that if Grandpa bites the dust, we'll get a new car."

In the Lenin year the directors of the three Moscow watch factories ordered to the Kremlin. The first reports: "We are now building a cuckoo clock, every hour the cuckoo comes out and shouts: 'Lenin, Lenin, Lenin'." Says the second: "That's nothing at all. The cuckoo comes out of our clock and shouts: 'Long live Lenin! Long live Lenin'!" "Well," says the third, "we took a slightly different approach. Lenin comes out here and shouts: 'Cuckoo, cuckoo'!"

A man comes into a restaurant and says: to the innkeeper: "I'll bet you 100 euros that I can show you and your guests the craziest thing you've ever seen." "Good," says the innkeeper, "the bet stands." The man then takes a 20 cm long male out of his coat pocket. The little man walks along the counter and says: "Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Johannes Mario Simmel. You probably know me, I'm a very well-known novelist." The guests are completely amazed and applaud loudly when the performance is over. The innkeeper says: "Here you have the 100 euros. You deserve it. I've never seen anything so crazy. But tell me where you got the dwarf from." Says the man: "There is an ancient oak tree back in the forest. There is a lamp between the gnarled roots. If you rub it, the genie appears and grants you exactly one wish. So you should choose it carefully and say it clearly." The innkeeper immediately rushes off into the forest. He finds the ancient oak tree and the lamp between the roots. He rubs it and the genie appears and says, "You have one wish." The innkeeper immediately says: "I want 10 million in small bills!" "Your wish be granted," says the spirit and - SNIP! - 10 grilled piglets lie on the ground, each with a lemon in its mouth. The innkeeper storms back into his restaurant and confronts the stranger who is still sitting there: "Your mind has a massive hearing defect. I ask him for 10 million in small bills, and he gives me 10 lemons in small pigs!" "So what?" says the man calmly, "do you really think I would have wanted a 20 cm tall Simmel?"

Devil: “Why are you so desperate?” Man: "Stupid question, I'm in hell." Devil: "Hell isn't so bad - we have a lot of fun here. Are you a drunk?" Man: "Sure, I love drinking." Devil: "Well, you're going to love Mondays. We drink schnapps, beer, whiskey, tequila, everything all Monday. We drink until we drop." Man: “That sounds great!” Devil: "Are you a smoker?" Man: “Of course.” Devil: "You'll love Tuesdays. We smoke the best cigarettes from all over the world all day long. If you get cancer, who cares, you're already dead." Man: “That’s just great.” Devil: "I bet you're a player." Man: "Of course I am." Devil: "On Wednesday you can play anything your heart desires: poker, roulette, blackjack... anything you want. If you're broke, who cares, you're dead." Devil: “What about drugs?” Man: "Are you kidding? I love drugs." Devil: "Thursday is drug day. You can take all the drugs! You're dead, who cares?" Man: "I never thought hell would be such a cool place." Devil: “Are you gay?” Man: "No." Devil: "Oh, you'll hate Fridays."

New picture of great grandson. He's growing like a weed. Almost 4 months old

The passenger in the dining car, an East Frisian drank three bottles of wine and now he can't find his compartment anymore. He asks the train conductor for help. He scratches behind his ear: "Bad, bad! Don't you remember anything that would allow you to recognize your compartment?" The East Frisian thinks about it and then says happily: "Yes, now I remember: cows were grazing outside the window!"

A woman goes to the pet store and wants buy a special parrot. Pet shop owner: "Take this one, the one with the two strings on the legs." Woman: "What happens if you pull on it?" Pet shop owner: “Try it out.” The woman pulls on a string, the parrot lifts its leg and says: "Hello. Hello." The woman is excited and pulls the other string, and the parrot lifts its leg again and says, "Good evening. Good evening." The woman is fascinated and thinks out loud: "What will happen if I pull on both at the same time?" Then the parrot said: "Then it'll hit me in the face, you stupid cow!"