Devil: “Why are you so desperate?”

Devil: “Why are you so desperate?” Man:
"Stupid question, I'm in hell."
Devil: "Hell isn't so bad - we have a lot of fun here. Are you a drunk?"
Man: "Sure, I love drinking."
Devil: "Well, you're going to love Mondays. We drink schnapps, beer, whiskey, tequila, everything all Monday. We drink until we drop."
Man: “That sounds great!”
Devil: "Are you a smoker?"
Man: “Of course.”
Devil: "You'll love Tuesdays. We smoke the best cigarettes from all over the world all day long. If you get cancer, who cares, you're already dead."
Man: “That’s just great.”
Devil: "I bet you're a player."
Man: "Of course I am."
Devil: "On Wednesday you can play anything your heart desires: poker, roulette, blackjack... anything you want. If you're broke, who cares, you're dead."
Devil: “What about drugs?”
Man: "Are you kidding? I love drugs."
Devil: "Thursday is drug day. You can take all the drugs! You're dead, who cares?"
Man: "I never thought hell would be such a cool place."
Devil: “Are you gay?”
Man: "No."
Devil: "Oh, you'll hate Fridays."